Mean
OA is Taylor Swift Part of the Songfic Series. Italics is the past. Most of it is Ravenpaw, but keep watch for a special part...:) Regular is the present. BEWARE! The POV changes in this story! BEWAAARE! Enjoy! ♫ Mean You, with your words like knives :Racing through the forest. The night is young and I speed towards ThunderClan territory. I know he'll be there, plotting and waiting... :It's time to settle something. Something that's been bothering me for a while. :I'm not afraid anymore. I've grown up. And your sword and your weapons that you use against me :I touch my nose to Tigerclaw's and smile shyly at him. He is ignoring me, staring up at Bluestar who binds me to him as an apprentice, he is my mentor now. :"Come," he rumbles, "It's time to see the territory." :I nod and jump up excited, eager to please my mentor. '' 'You, have knocked me off my feet again,' :''Tigerclaw is quiet on our run, but I don't mind. I look around at ThunderClan territory in awe. Sandkit, Graykit, and Dustkit- although I guess they're all 'paws too now- used to sneak out of the nursery all the time. But I never did. This is my first time. '' :''We slow next to an ancient looking tree, towering high in the sky, "Wow," I breath. :"Ravenpaw," Tigerclaw meows suddenly, "I should be honest, I don't think you have what it takes to be a Warrior. You're small and you've never been outside of the nursery....you're weak." :He says it in a pitying way, and my eyes grow wide, "Please," I plead, "I'll do better, I swear! I can be a Warrior! I can!" :Tigerclaw smiles down at me, "I'm sure you can," he meows gently. :He continues to show me the territory but the whole way I have a pit in my stomach, the knowledge that my own mentor took one look at me and knew I'd fail. Got me feeling like I'm nothing! :I grit my teeth against apprentice memories, every time he laughed at me, called me weak, told me I'd fail.....and I believed him :For almost six moons I'd been totally sure that I was a terrible Warrior, that I was weak and stupid and every single one of those stupid words he called me. And everyone else believed it too. :That might've been the thing that hurt the worst. You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard :Eavesdropping is wrong. But this is important. Tigerclaw is telling Bluestar about how I've been doing as an apprentice in these first few days. I'm so excited! Will he tell her about the time I caught a squirrel? Or the time I almost caught a rabbit? Or when I went on three patrols in a row? :I continue going over the list of things in my head, but listen intently as well. '' :''Bluestar meowed, "So how is Ravenpaw Tigerclaw?" :Tigerclaw sighed, "He tries so hard Bluestar....but he fails as well. A lot. He cannot preform hunting crouches that Graypaw had mastered ages ago and in battle his instincts are to hide instead of fight like a true warrior..." Tigerclaw trailed off helplessly and I ran. Calling me out when I'm wounded :The next day we're battle training with Sandpaw, Graypaw, and Dustpaw. I pad into the clearing, determined to do better. '' :"Today we will be working on getting past a cat," Whitestorm meows. The other apprentices chatter excitedly and he continues, "Get past your mentor anyway you can. Begin."'' :The mentors all line up and we get on the other side of the clearing. At once, we all charge. Graypaw and Dustpaw charge straight on while Sandpaw stalks up slowly, thinking. I speed towards Tigerclaw, then fake out, heading in the other direction. :I slam into my mentor before I realize what happened. Tigerclaw glowers down at me and then smirks. I suddenly know that he knows that I was listening yesterday. He knows I'm trying. He knows why I need him not to say anything. But he does. :"Ravenpaw," he drawls slowly, all the other cats turning to look carefully, "That was the absolute ''worst ''fake lunge I've ever seen. Your eyes gave it away. And you were running almost diagonally, like you're tail wanted to fake and your head wanted to just go ahead towards me. You looked like a stupid two headed-badger. If I had to bet on who would win in a fight between you and a blind kit who couldn't walk, I would choose the blind kit who can't walk." :Graypaw looks sorry for me. Sandpaw and Dustpaw are trying not to luagh and Whitestorm and Lionheart exchange looks, but neither of them steps in. :All I can do is sit meekly while Tigerclaw tears me down. '' 'You picking on the weaker man!' :I have crossed the border. I head towards the furthest place, the place nearest to the Twoleg Cutting Place where the haunted looking pines and eerie silence haunt most cats. But I know Tigerclaw will feel right at home there. :I enter the forest and draw in a deep scent. A few moons ago, another lifetime ago, I would be terrified. Stalking Tigerclaw in the scariest part of ThunderClan. But now I don't really feel anything, just intent on my hunt. 'Well you can take me down with a single blow' :I smell him before I spot him. I track him to a small clearing where there is an out of place log with some moss bedding hanging out of it. He sits in front of it, his back to me. :Tigerclaw hasn't been affected much by being thrown out of ThunderClan. His fur is groomed and sleek and he looks well-fed, he may have even grown. His muscles are clearly viable through his pelt and for the first time I question my sanity in coming here. :"Ravenpaw," he growls. He turns, "You mouse-hearted little failure. Why are you crawling back here?" :"I just wanted to say hi to my old mentor," I hiss bitterly. :He smirks, "You know I could kill you right now. A single blow, no one would ever know." :I look him in the eye, "I'm not afraid of you anymore." 'But you don't know, what you don't know...' :"You should be." he turns away, back to a half -eaten rabbit carcass. Clearly dismissing me. :"Why?" I ask. :One of his ears flick, but he doesn't turn. :"You've never known anything but fear and lies," I meow, "And so that's how you make cats respect you. You aren't even a real Warrior, you're more of a coward then I am." :He stiffens, then turns. 'Someday, I'll be living in a big ol' city!' :''I stare out of them den through a small crack in the bush. The stars wink back cheerily at me and I wonder if they're walking. :"If StarClan really cares about me," I meow softly, aloud, "Tigerclaw will fall in the river tomorrow and never be seen again." :There is no rumble of thunder or even a winking star to let me know that I have been heard. I sigh and roll over, blocking out the stars. :"Someday," I whisper. And all you're ever gonna be is mean! :"What did you say?" Tigerclaw's voice is silky smooth, the kind of voice he used right before he sent me into a fox den or left me to fight a cat alone. :"I said you were a coward," I meow, then smirk cockily, "Like a mouse." :He pads towards me, stopping a fox-length away. "You would know." :It shouldn't sting even after everything he's put me through. But it does. :"Why couldn't you ever give me praise?" I ask furiously, "Why did you always have to tear me down?" :"Because you were terrible," he hisses, "And someone had to pound that through your think head." :"See?" I gulp, "Still doing it." Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me! :I pad into the sandy hollow, my leg trailing dejectedly behind me. It's not fair. Dustpaw, Sandpaw, and Graypaw are moving onto harder moves...Tigerclaw is keeping me at a beginners level. :It's not that I can't do the things. I just don't prefer head-on attack. I like stealth. Unfortunately head-on attacks are all Tigerclaw is good at. '' :''He enters the clearing and I shudder, preparing for a day of being practically beat by my own mentor. It's happened before- I have quite a few scars. Tigerclaw throws himself at me. '' :''A good warrior must be prepared for anything!" he hisses as he viciously claws my shoulder. :The wound opens and 'I can feel warm sticky blood beginning to pool on my pelt. It doesn't matter. Tigerclaw will say I impaled myself on my own claw or tripped over something. As tears rush to my eyes, I promise myself that, someday, I will be free of him. And all you're ever gonna be is mean! :Tigerclaw pads closer to me, his eyes a fiery amber. That would've terrified me before, but now I just wonder how the cat who used to terrify me flubbed his way into getting banished. :"You'll never change," I meow, "You'll always be selfish, ambitious, a cold-blooded killer and just....mean." :"Mean?" he laughs, adopting a kit-tone, "Awww...is the poor little Ravenpaw being b-bullied?" he laughs. Why you gotta be so mean? :I peer curiously at him, "I just don't get it. You could've left me alone and still done everything you did." :"I needed you for my plans," Tigerclaw turns away and I realize with na start he's lying. :I leap in front of him, a dangerous move. "But why would you bully an apprentice? What purpose could that have for your 'Great Plans'?" :Tigerclaw hisses, "I don't have to explain myself to you," You, with your switching sides :The day after Tigerclaw practically kills me in training, I'm sitting in Spottedleaf's den, getting my shoulder and other wounds treated. Spottedleaf makes disapproving noises every once in a while and I know she's thinking that training is dangerous. :The brush outside rustles and Tigerclaw pads in, looking exactly like any normal mentor would- worried, slightly annoyed, and tired from staying up all night worrying. '' :"Ravenpaw, are you alright?"'' he turns to Spottedleaf and murmurs discreetly, "Tripped a few times." :I don't get it. Yesterday, he called me a fair number of nasty names and landed me in the medicine den. Today he';s acting like a great mentor. It makes no sense. So I do the only thing I can think of which is to flop in the moss and pretend to be asleep. '' :"He's very tired," Spottedleaf meows quietly. '' :"Of course," Tigerclaw meows, lowering his voice, "Well, let me know if anything changes." he turns and pads out of then den, leaving me to puzzle over it. '' 'And you're wildfire lies and your humiliations!' :"You told everyone I was a ShadowClan spy!" I yowl, letting my anger take over. :Tigerclaw doesn't even try to defend himself. :"You tried to kill me with the adders and hunting in ShadowClan territory and every single day in training..." I recall, "And when I survived you just sent me out on another death-trap mission! Why couldn't you have ever been proud of me?" :"Is that what you're here for Ravenpaw?" Tigerclaw asks quietly, "My pride?" 'You have pointed out my flaws again' :"Because," he circles me, smiling like I'm a mouse he's finished playing with and is about to kill, "You are the last cat I would ever be proud of." :I stiffen. I came here to hold him accountable. But maybe I sub-consciously longed for a mentor who actually cared about me, who took as much care in my failures as he did in my successes. :"You're stupid," Tigerclaw hisses the word in my ear, then turns, hissing in my other ear, "Cowardly. Weak. Naive. Ignorant. ''Impossible ''to train." :"Quit it..." I whisper, my ears flattening. I feel three times smaller, still an apprentice, just wishing for one compliment, one word of praise... 'As if I don't already see them!' :''I hop happily into the clearing. Tigerclaw, Lionheart, Whitestorm, Redtail, and the other apprentices are waiting. I caught a sparrow yesterday and Tigerclaw actually complimented me is I'm hoping that today can be a step forward in our mentor-apprentice relationship. I sit and Tigerclaw begins. '' :"Before we begin, I'm sure you all remember how my apprentice Ravenpaw caught a sparrow yesterday." Everyone nods and I puff my chest out with pride. Tigerclaw goes on, "Well, I thought since none of us have much experience in this area, Ravenpaw could teach us how to hunt like that. It could herald a new age for ThunderClan hunting!"'' :Everyone nods and looks at me expectantly. I shake my head, "I don't know how I did it!" :"Surely you must have some idea!" Whitestorm meows. :"I don't!" I look at all of them. :Then how did you catch it?" Asks Sandpaw curiously. :"It was old and could barely fly..." I look at Tigerclaw and see him smirking behind his disappointed eyes. I realize this is his game today. He will make me tell everyone how my one success, the one memory I hold close to my heart was a mistake. :As they continue questioning me and I continue to say how I am a mistake, the catch was a mistake, I feel like I will cry. :Tigerclaw is taking my one happy moment away. '' 'I walk with my head down,' :I remember that terrible days as Tigerclaw continues to circle me, his eyes sadistically malicious. :Maybe he just never liked me. Maybe he just likes hurting cats. But he hurt me more then he can imagine. :He finishes his rant and sits in front of me, tail curled neatly around his paws, "So are you here for some praise? Because I just listed only a fraction of the reasons I won't give it to you." :"I came here to hold you accountable," I say softly, "I thought I could tell you how much you hurt me and maybe...maybe you'd be sorry." :Tigerclaw laughs, a real, hearty laugh, "Be sorry? Dear Ravenpaw, I meant ever word I ever said to you, every blow I ever dealt you. I will never be sorry. :I knew. "I know." 'Trying to block you out 'cuz I'll never impress you!' :''On the way home, I try my best not to listen. But I'm just naturally good at hearing things and Tigerclaw is talking loud enough so that I can hear. He knows what he's doing. '' :"I can't believe it," Tigerclaw murmurs to Whitestorm, "What an embarrassment! You understand it's not my fault, I mean the tom has no talent!"'' :"Be easy on him," is Whitestorm's calming, kind reply. :"It's hard," Tigerclaw murmurs. "If only I ha another cat...I'd even put up with that annoying Graypaw if someone else would take Ravenpaw! :Whitestorm has nothing to say and I accept that Tigerclaw will never, ever, ever be proud of me. '' 'I just wanna feel okay again!' :''I no longer care about Tigerclaw's pride in me. I just want to feel like I'm not being attacked every day. I bet you got pushed around, :I have nothing to say and Tigerclaw leers at me. Then I remember something Bluestar once told me when I complained about Tigerclaw. Something about his own mentor. :"Thistleclaw," I meowed, "That's why." :Tigerclaw flinches and I almost feel sorry. But then I remember what he did to me. :"I get it," I meow, "I really do. But just because he was a jerk doesn't mean you had to be one to me." Somebody made you cold! :Thistleclaw hisses at me, "Better! Quicker!" :I pounce then turn, struggling with the move that' I am in no way ready for. But I will make Thistleclaw proud. I try it again and am pleased to have gotten it half right. I turn, smiling proudly. '' :''He hisses, "Terrible! You'll never become a Warrior! Your form is sloppy, you're stupid and weak..." :I put my head down. '' 'But the cycle ends right now' :Ravenpaw faces me, his eyes fiery, "I'm, sorry, but it ends now! Just because your mentor treated you wrong doesn't mean that I have to pay for it!" :I smirk, "Who says that I bullied you because of Thistleclaw? I bullied you because you were stupid and weak!" :"Are those your words or his?" Ravenpaw taunts, a smirk on his face. :I turn away, hissing softly. This cat does not deserve my attention, he is below me. :"Bluestar told me about your father too," Ravenpaw adds. :I cannot control myself. I leap at him but he dodges neatly out of the way. I spin, breathing heavily. :"Pinestar," I growl, "And Thistleclaw were nothing like me! They were soft and weak and I will be the best leader!" 'Cuz you can't lead me down that road!'' :I smile at Ravenpaw, seeing a way to provoke him. :"You know I wanted Dustpaw?" :"What?" the shock on his face is genuine, and there's hurt there as well. I feel victorious. :"I wanted Dustpaw as my apprentice. But Redtail wanted him too and the deputy always wins," I grin, "And I got stuck with you!" :Ravenpaw's face contorts with anger and pain and he knows that everything I've just said is true. It is true. But then he smiles. I see annoyingly sincere pity in his eyes. :"I feel bad for you Tigerclaw," he meows, "You're trying to make me like you, like Thistleclaw. I don't want to be that cat." And you don't know, what you don't know... Someday, I'll be living in a big ol' city! And all you're ever gonna be is mean! :Thistleclaw won't always be around. '' :''One of these days, he'll be dead. Or just gone somewhere. And I can be a Warrior, the greatest Warrior and a leader too....And when I have an apprentice, I'll treat him even worse then Thistleclaw treated me. '' :''He'll pay for what Thistleclaw did. '' 'Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me!' 'And all you're ever gonna be is mean!' 'Why you gotta be so mean?' :"When I was little, I'd tell myself that someday I would be big and old enough to make you leave me alone," Ravenpaw meows. :"I don't care about your sob story." :"It's yours too." I growl softly and glare at him. 'And I can see you, years from now, in a bar!' :''I think about what I will be. '' :''It is better then thinking about what I am now. '' 'Talkin' over a football game,' :''I will be leader. With that same loud opinion '' :''I will be benevolent and kind and mighty. '' ''But nobody's listening... :I will be loved. '' 'Washed-up and ranting about the same old bitter things...' :''And Thistleclaw will be sorry. '' 'Drunk and grumblin' on about how I can't sing.' :''Everyone will be. '' 'But all you are is mean.' :"You're not a great Warrior," Ravenpaw hisses. I flatten my ears, but what he says next still hurts. 'All you are is mean.' :"You're just mean." 'And a liar.' :"What kind of a cat says their apprentice is a traitor?" 'And pathetic.' :"You're pathetic!" Thistleclaw hisses, scouring his claws along my face. I shriek and he cries, "Weak! Weakling!"'' :He continues to call me names and pummel me until blood and tears mix with sand in the training hollow to form a muddy, disgusting mixture. And alone in life and mean! :"Where is your Clan now?" Ravenpaw hisses, "You betrayed them! You betrayed every single one of them, Goldenflower, Bramblekit, Tawnykit..." :"I never meant..." I whispers, too soft for him to hear. And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean! :"Stop being so mean!" I shriek to Thistleclaw finally. :"Mean?" he laughs with insane eyes, "Let me tell you something Tigerpaw. I might be mean, but so will you and I bet if you ever get an apprentice, they will be mean too. The world is mean so you've got to be mean too. But, :I lift my head up and stand, my wounds shrieking in pain. I slowly raise my paw up and swipe. '' :''Thistleclaw stares in shock at the blood that splurts onto the sandy hollow. ''I turn and walk out, wondering if it's wrong that my mentor's spilled blood instills so much hope in me. '' Someday, I'll be living in a big ol' city! And all you're ever gonna be is mean! :"Do you have anything to say?" Ravenpaw asks, annoyed. :"I don't know what you want me to say," I answer honestly. :"I don't want you to-Urgh!" Ravenpaw turns, "I knew I shouldn't have come. I just wanted to let you know how much you hurt me...I thought you'd be sorry. I thought maybe you'd finally get what it's like to be bullied and maybe you wouldn't be so intent on destroying everyone." Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me! And all you're ever gonna be is mean! Why you gotta be so.... :Someday.... Someday, I'll be living in a big ol' city! Why you gotta be so...? :Someday.... And all you're ever gonna be is mean! :Ravenpaw mistakes my remembering for outright not caring. It's fine by me if he thinks that. But I know he will go back to his sad lonely life and be sure that nothing he does will ever change the cruelty of the universe. He turns to leave and I throw the words over my shoulder. :"I hated you. Because you knew what I did to Redtail." :Ravenpaw nods icily, "I know." :"And," I almost bite my tongue, but the kit deserves this. "I saw myself in you." :Ravenpaw stiffens. Why you gotta be so...? Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me! :Someday I'll be free. :Someday I'll be big. :Someday you won't be able to hurt me. '' 'Why you gotta be so...?' :''But not for a while And all you're ever gonna be is mean! :Ravenpaw walks away and I find myself feeling sorry. But I shake it away. :I walked away from Thistleclaw. :Now Ravenpaw walks away from me. Why you gotta be so mean? Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics Category:Songfic